The Poison
by dippyguardgirl09
Summary: Gibbs struggles with his feelings for Abby, will he be able to finally give in or will he just love her from a distance?


**You were so young,  
And I guess I'm old.  
Open your eyes,  
I'll keep mine closed**.

I am 20 years your senior, I can't love you, but, I do. You always see things in a different way than I do; I tend to not see the big picture. I remember when you had me look at a blood spatter pattern, I had no idea what you saw and I was very reluctant to do what you said, but I did, and I saw the letter M, so when looking at the other pattern later that day in the bull pen, I was able to open my eyes and figure out who killed who. Maybe I will keep my eyes more open now, and maybe that will help me realize that I am making a huge mistake loving you at a distance….maybe.

**  
I prefer standing,  
And you take your seat.  
Ill be wide awake,  
And you'll fall asleep.**

I rarely sleep, the coffee may have something to do with that, so when I enter your lab at midnight I see you, your black hair falling out of their pigtails, breathing softly, so content and calm. This case was a hard one, but every time there is a baby involved, you tend to work too much and wear yourself out, and tonight is a clear example. I resist the urge to run my hand in through your hair, smoothing it out, but as I am about to walk out I see a picture, I a surge of guilt courses through me.

**  
And you'll fall down a hole.  
That's the one place we both know  
You take me with you if you could, but I wouldn't go  
I guess sometimes we both loose our minds, to find a better road.**

There was a picture of me, I don't know where you got it, but it was there, and underneath it was a post-it note, counting how many days I was gone. I heard you took it the hardest, you were falling down an endless hole and I knew exactly how you felt, having lost Shannon and Kelly. But you brought me back, gave me life again, gave me a reason to believe again. I didn't want to travel on the path of destruction, which was why I left you, so I wouldn't have to deal with the memory laps and reliving the pain, but I guess I needed to leave to realize how much I had to loose, and how much I needed you.

**  
I can be pensive,  
You can be so sure.  
You'll be the poison,  
You'll be the cure.  
I'm alone on the journey,  
I'm alive none the less,  
And when you do your very worst,  
Mmmmm it feels the best. **

You were always headstrong, you still are, I never was able to get that. I know I tend to sit in deep thought, you have found me more than one occasion sitting in the dark at my desk. I can sense you whenever you are near, and I have a feeling you can sense me too. Every single day it gets harder and harder to hold back what I feel for you, you are like a poison, but you are also my cure, you have always been there for me, even when I felt so alone, you somehow managed to enter my mind. You feel like you fail me when you can't help me, but you never do, you haven't failed me yet, my Abby. It feels good because I can kiss your cheek, or sign to you and your smile blossoms, or your cheeks get redder. Not that I take pleasure in your pain, I guess I feel pleasure in being the only one who is able to calm you down and make you feel better.

And you'll fall down a hole.  
That's the one place in this world that we both know.  
You take me with you if you could,  
But if you could I'd lose everything.

When I ran down the steps that night Ari shot through your window, I thought I lost you right then and there, and I guess that was when I realized how much I have fallen for you. You asked me if he was going after you after he killed Kate, and I told you that I was walking by that window and it made you feel better, and I promised you that I would keep you safe. That is why I have been keeping you at a distance. Kissing you on the cheek or signing or simple things that can seem like I do cause you are like a daughter though I know I it isn't that at all. It is because I love you, but, if you dragged me into your world, I would lose you. I don't want you to enter cause I am so broken and so messed up that I would just be taking you down with me, and I can't do that, I can't lose you, that is why I don't follow you.

**Can't you see the faces melting as the sun rains from their eyes,  
Go on and keep your head with the hearts that you left behind.  
Look at yourself, look in the mirror, don't you see a lie?  
That you tell yourself again a thousand times.  
And the truth that makes us laugh will make you cry,  
You wanna die? No?**

I can't tell you the truth; I don't want to ruin everything we have. I tend to leave parts of myself with the people I have loved but left, so if you were to be with me, you wouldn't have all me, you would have bits and pieces of me. Every time I look in the mirror I see someone else, I am lying to myself and I am lying to you. I tell myself over and over again, I don't love you, I can't love you, I won't love you. But every time I say that, a little piece of what is left of me dies, I don't want to die, I want to live, I want to be free and to love you with all my heart, I know what I have to do.

**So you fall down a hole,  
That's the one place where we both know,  
You take me with you if you could but I wouldn't go.  
Because sometimes, we both loose our minds to find a better road.**

Screw rule number 12. I am ready, some may think I am losing my mind because I always follow my own rules, but I know this is the best thing for me. So I walk into your lab and you smile at me, I know I am making the right decision. I take your hand and allow you to take me down with you, I am finally ready, and you know that. As soon as I take your hand, you know, like you always do and you get up out of your chair and give me a huge hug. I pull back and look straight into your eyes, they are shining, and I know it isn't because you are sad. Lean in and kiss your lips, they are soft, gentle, giving me the knowledge that we have all the time in the world, because you will never leave me. I pull back and say the three words I have so longed to say,

"I love you"  
And then she says the seven sweetest words I have ever heard come from her luscious, now swollen, lips.

"I love you too my silver-haired fox."


End file.
